Humor
Power Tools

Transitions & Segues
by John Cantu
© HumorMall.com

If you are a comedian, humorist, or entertainer you generally put together two or more jokes that have some common idea, theme, concept, subject, etc. and tie them together in what's known as a 'bit' or 'chunk' or 'piece'. For the rest of this essay I will simply use the term 'chunk'. Within a chunk, you ideally try to segue from one joke to another as seamlessly as possible. If you have done a good job, your segues are virtually invisible to the audience.

Then you have to routine your different chunks. Routining your chunks means you have to put the chunks together in some grand over-all structure for your act or your set (time allotted). You often have to make a transition from one topic to an entirely unrelated subject. The pro makes it look transparent and effortless, but it takes work.

We will start with putting together a chunk. I will arbitrary choose six jokes that are related and randomly list them and ask you to routine them. Then I will show you my ordering of them with an explanation of the logic behind it.

Here's your six jokes:

1. My dentist is a shrewd operator; He doesn't give you laughing gas until just before he gives you the bill.
2. What a hypochondriac! Who else has a walk-in medicine chest?
3. Special episode on the 'Sopranos' this week. It features the eye doctor who provides baby boomer hit men with contract lenses.
4. You're getting old when you pull a muscle just thinking about doing what comes naturally.
5. I left my heart in San Francisco. That I can live with -- but I left my pacemaker in Los Angeles.
6. A doctor at the Stanford Medical School announced today that he has discovered a cure for the common cold. However there is one annoying side effect: Death!

Your assignment is to simply take these six jokes and routine them as logically as possible into a seamless chunk with as FEW segue words as possible. Starting next week I will explain how and why these jokes were chosen but I don't want to influence your perception of those jokes right now.

Bonus: You will find sometimes that you get an unrelated idea that you want to use so you will look for an existing chunk to try to graft it into. Assume you have the following two orphan jokes that you want to use. See if you can figure out how to add one or both of these unrelated jokes.

• I went to a party once where the apartment was so small, everybody was a wallflower.
• There's no pleasing my mother-in-law. For Christmas I decided to make it easy by giving her cash. She tried to exchange it for another color.

There are advantages of doing this exercise even if you only tell jokes informally or if you tell jokes professionally but intermittently (such as a radio personality using single jokes between songs or an MC using single jokes between introductions.)

While it is sometimes possible to take a collection of totally random jokes and routine them, I wanted the jokes for this exercise to have somewhat of an obvious theme or connection. I started with the jokes in the April 14, 2000 issue and searched for a couple of jokes with some sort of a relationship. The first and second jokes of that issue were:

610. A doctor at the Stanford Medical School announced today that he has discovered a cure for the common cold. However there it is one annoying side effect: Death!

611. My dentist it is a shrewd operator; He doesn't give you laughing gas until just before he gives you the bill.

I figured we had a health/medical theme so I looked at the rest of that issue's jokes and then perused back issues for the remaining jokes. I added the 'bonus jokes' concept simply as an afterthought. I picked the two 'bonus' jokes by going to the last issue of 1999 and the first issue of 2000 and just counting down to the fifth joke.

My next door neighbor. Maybe you have a neighbor like this. Nice guy but (SAY WITH EXAGGERATED ANNOYANCE & SHAKING OF HEAD) complain complain complain. Last Christmas I decided to make it easy by giving him cash. (PAUSE. NOD HEAD KNOWINGLY AS TELLING JOKE) Tried to exchange it for another color. (L) Complain. Complain. Complain. Terrible hypochondriac! Who else has a WALK-IN medicine chest? (L) (WITH EXAGGERATED EMPHASIS) Complain complain complain. (L) Told him about a Stanford Medical School doctor who said he's discovered a sure cure for the common cold with one little annoying side effect. Neighbor said, "What's that? (ONE-BEAT PAUSE) Death?" (L) I think his dentist is on to his complaining. Doesn't give him laughing gas until just before handing him the bill. (L) Health is no laughing matter though. <At age 52, I'm leading the baby boomer curve.> I know I'M getting old. These days, I pull a muscle just THINKING about doing what comes naturally. (L) Baby Boomers (PAUSE ONE AND HALF BEAT THE DELIVER NEXT SENTENCE DELIVER AS IF JUST STRUCK BY THE THOUGHT) - hey that reminds me - Special episode on the 'Sopranos' this week. It features the eye doctor who provides baby boomer hit men with contract lenses. (L) (LONG PAUSE - THEN DELIVER BEWILDEREDLY - AS IF NEW THOUGHT JUST STRUCK) Gee I just had a weird thought. What if you were really absent minded (STARE AT AUDIENCE FOR THREE BEAT PAUSE) and left your heart in San Francisco (STARE AT AUDIENCE FOR ONE AND HALF BEAT PAUSE) and your pacemaker in Los Angeles.

Quick tips:

1. The first thing you have to consider is: Will this joke fit me or does it have to be tied into someone else? Then and only then can you start to routine your jokes.

2. As you figure out the proper order for your lines - ALWAYS say the jokes aloud but don't read them verbatim. If you are inexperienced, use a tape recorder. Then listen to the tape recorder and adjust your chunk to the way you say it on the recorder, not to the way you had it written. This will make it sound more conversational. The reason why most performers are entertaining and most speakers are boring is that most speakers read their material or deliver it as if they are reading it. It is the KISS OF DEATH - or maybe more appropriately THE KISS OF DULLNESS AND BOREDOM.

Here's my routine again, this time with the logic behind it. I have spelled out the actions I would be taking to support some jokes. This is called adding 'business' to the joke.

I have also indicated where I expect to get a laugh. I may NOT get them. I may get them in unexpected places. But the bulk of them will come were I have indicated. Capitalized words that aren't in parenthesis are to said with extra emphasis:

My next door neighbor. Nice guy but complain complain complain. Last Christmas I decided to make it easy by giving him cash. (PAUSE . NOD HEAD KNOWINGLY, ROLL EYES) Tried to exchange it for another color. (L)

CANTU SAYS: I'm not a hypochondriac. First rule of comedy: Never lie to your audience. So the hypochondriac/medical jokes have to be about someone else. I chose 'neighbor' but it just as easily could have been ' brother-in-law', or 'boss.' No reason but for me I saw the character as being male. You might just as easily have thought of character as female.

Also, this joke was put here because the rest are medical related so I had to use it here or use as a postscript. I put it here because I couldn't see how to use it, once the medical theme got started.

Notice how incomplete sentences are used because that's how we speak conversationally. Even college graduates with Ph.D.'s. speak this way. (Start listening to people and how they REALLY talk. Duplicate that in your presentation and increase your audience's's interest and attention.) Also it gives me the ability to start a lot of sentences without using the word 'I'. You should minimize 'I' and maximize 'you'

Note how character is established by repetition of word the 'complain.' Do you have any trouble imagining what kind of neighbor this is?

Complain. Complain. Complain.

CANTU SAYS: Repeating this refrain to set up a laugh coming after next joke.

Terrible hypochondriac! Who else has a walk-in medicine chest? (L)

CANTU SAYS: No comment needed

(WITH EXAGGERATED EMPHASIS) Complain complain complain. (L)

CANTU SAYS: Called a rhythm joke. This is the laugh I was setting up. I know this isn't a joke. As you get enough real world experience you will learn to recognize that parts of your setups can get laughs before you get to the punchline. My gut tells me there is a VERY good chance this will get a laugh.

Told him about a Stanford Medical School doctor who said he's discovered a sure cure for the common cold with one little annoying side effect. Neighbor said, "What's that? (ONE-BEAT PAUSE) Death?" (L)

CANTU SAYS: Once again incomplete sentence. 'Told him' grammatically should be 'I told him'. Have to use word 'Neighbor' here. If you use 'He said' people won't know if neighbor is talking or Stanford Doctor is talking.

His dentist is on to his complaining. Doesn't give him laughing gas until just before handing him the bill. (L)

CANTU SAYS: Original joke rewritten to fit neighbor.

Health is no laughing matter though...

CANTU SAYS: 'Health is no laughing matter though...' is transition phrase since following joke is no longer about neighbor.

I know I'M getting old. <At age 52, I'm leading the baby boomer curve.>

CANTU SAYS: I would not use this phrase <At age 52, I'm leading the baby boomer curve> on stage since the audience would be able to see I am 50+. I used it here so you wold have an idea of how old I am. That's why it is in angle brackets.

'I know I'm getting old.' is the actual set up for the next joke.

These days, I pull a muscle just THINKING about doing what comes naturally. (L)

CANTU SAYS: No comment needed

Baby Boomers (PAUSE ONE AND HALF BEAT, THEN DELIVER NEXT SENTENCE AS IF JUST STRUCK BY THE THOUGHT) - hey that reminds me - Special episode on the 'Sopranos' this week. It FEATURES the eye doctor who provides baby boomer hit men with contract lenses. (L)

CANTU SAYS: Using a pause transition. Change is indicated simply by pausing to let previous joke fade away. This joke doesn't really follow from previous joke. Also, 'provides baby boomer hit men with contract lenses' is difficult to say so say it slower and take extra pains to enunciate.

(LONG PAUSE - Then deliver BEWILDEREDLY - as if new thought just struck) Gee I just had a weird thought. What if you were really absent minded (STARE AT AUDIENCE FOR THREE BEAT PAUSE) and left your heart in San Francisco (STARE AT AUDIENCE FOR ONE AND HALF BEAT PAUSE) and your pacemaker in Los Angeles.

CANTU SAYS: Using another pause transition. This joke also doesn't really follow from previous joke.

IN SUMMATION: This is not the RIGHT way to routine these jokes. This the way I would routine them for a first run thru. Then depending on audience reaction I would start to change and adapt. What is important is that these are some of the issues you have to think about in routining jokes: Joke order, make jokes about you or someone else, eliminate excess words, make it conversational, decide what words to emphasis, decide what physical business to use to support jokes.